highline56 op ed

This sharing of wisdom is dedicated to Captain Linville, who speaks for all of us when he says "If I got a life, I don't know where I would fit it in!"

Happiness entails strictly following the two basic RULES OF LIFE. Some experts say there are three, but sunscreen makes my eyes burn, so I use only two. These rules are important throughout life, but are particularly so after retirement.

RULE ONE: Keep a list of all the things you have to do.

RULE TWO: With two exceptions I will get to later, don't drink in the morning.

The rule one list includes everything that you should do as soon as possible. That can be chores, errands, projects; everything from clean the garage to call your creditors. These don't have to be things that you don't like. It is OK to include things that you think you will enjoy. The key is to make this a list of items you have been putting off. Once you complete your list, relax and start enjoying not doing them.

There is nothing worse than having nothing to do. With your list you will always have plenty to do. Some people think that the goal is to go to work on your list and finish it up. This is a dangerous fallacy. Think about it. If you do everything on your list, you will end up with nothing to do. Why do you think retirees often feel that the weekends are no fun any more? Weekends are great because you are not going to work. Once you have no work to not go to, the weekend loses its luster.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with doing one or two items on your list when the mood takes you. That can actually enhance the intervals when the mood hasn't taken you. Just remember, whatever you do has to be replaced by another item on the list, so cross them off with great care. People who finish their lists are in the same boat as those that don't keep lists, and can end up drinking in the morning.

Rule two is pretty self evident for those that have to go to work. Drink in those circumstances and you will soon end up relying on your list. But contrary to popular belief, this rule is even more important for retirees. In the first place, you can forget about the enjoying the afternoon pondering your list. You will be asleep. Second, it really screws up the cocktail hour. Not only will you have nothing to look forward to all day, but also the gin takes on a harsh taste the second time around.

The first exception is for Christmas morning with your in-laws. Here getting a little snockered not only improves your mood and the experience, it makes you clever and funny, improving the holiday for all. Likewise, after the large afternoon meal everyone is going to be sleeping anyway. Finally, and I really can't explain it, you are still looking forward to enjoying the cocktail hour.

The second exception is for when you defect to a hotel for the weekend and spend Sunday morning sleeping in, drinking champagne, watching old movies on television, and making love. I don't know what it is about old movies, but that sure beats contemplating the list.